When I was younger, a lot younger, if anyone asked me what
my favourite Tarot card was, I always said The Hermit.
In those days, I
acknowledged that I was very hermit-like, and even felt a certain amount of
pride in the fact, so naturally, I identified with this card.
Then something shifted. I began to feel that I shouldn’t –
shouldn’t – be a hermit. That I should make more of an effort to connect with
people, join in, be part of society. I told myself that it wasn’t healthy to identify so
strongly with The Hermit. That it was a negative mindset that only reinforced my
anti-social attitude. And so, for a very long time, I tried hard to be more
outgoing, social, normal…
My favourite card became The World. Not, perhaps, for the
reasons my would-be redeemers might have hoped. To me, The World is completion,
perfection, the All. It’s already a step beyond the realms of social
interaction.
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(source: www.queenoftarot.com/tarot_cards/66) |
As I’ve gotten older with a capital O, I’ve become less and
less inclined to make myself be something that, interaction by interaction, was
become more and more obvious I was not.
And then, a couple of days ago I saw a
Hermit card in some online forum or other, and it suddenly hit me, like smack
in the face hit me, that I had made a conscious decision, all those years ago,
to deny my true self.
Bugger that.
I still love The World card, but I remember now that I am The Hermit.
Who are
you?
Labels: insight, journal, RWS, shadow work, tarot, thoughts